3 More Days!! Yippee!

I've been on bed rest for the past 4.5 weeks and I am so ready to be off of it. We have a doctor's appointment this Thursday and the plan is that I will come off of bed rest and procardia that day. I am on the count down. It's been worth it to keep little miss Ava in the womb as long as possible, but I am beginning to go stir crazy. I've had to remind myself frequently in the last week or so to be thankful for being on bed rest and medication regardless of the pressure, contractions, and pain that I've felt. I know from watching Gavin in the NICU that I never want another one of baby's to have to go through that. God is good and it is truly a blessing that I'm still pregnant with my sweet little girl. I am getting so excited to meet her and see just what she looks like and what her little personality is like. We have everything ready for her. My hope is that as soon as she is strong enough to come home with us from the hospital that she will decide to make her appearance.

Gavin's Journey

Today I have decided to link up with Kelly's Korner as she is doing a post on mother's who have lost children. Although this is a "group" that I never wanted or imagined that I would ever join, I find it important to share my sweet Gavin with the world. Gavin was our fist child. Everything was going well with our pregnancy until about 19 weeks. We had the big ultrasound where they look at the different body parts and systems and make sure that everything is there, working, and normal. The sono tech completed the ultrasound and being a nurse I noticed that she seemed to be looking at his brain for a long time. My husband reassured me that everything was okay and we waited to see our doctor. I will never forget that day when our doctor came in to tell us that our little boy had multiple problems and that we were being referred to the perinatologist the next day. I felt like my whole world had been crushed. I remember every detail of that evening and night as we waited for our appointment the next day. The next day we met with the perinatologist and had another extensive ultrasound, amniocentesis, and labs done. She was not sure what all problems Gavin had but she knew that one of them was Dandy Walker malformation. We continued to see her through the remaining 7 weeks of our pregnancy. Every time we went for an appointment there was something else wrong, but the doctors were unable to pinpoint exactly what Gavin had. The doctor felt that he had some type of dwarfisim and we did lab work for the common types that there are tests out there for, but they all came back normal. On December 15th, 2010 I woke up leaking amniotic fluid. I was 26 weeks pregnant and scared. Being a neonatal ICU nurse, I knew that this was not good for anyone, but I also knew that my little Gavin needed to stay in the womb as long as possible to give him the best chance at life. I was admitted to the hospital and put on medication to stop the preterm labor. That worked for 4 days. Gavin was born on December 19th, 2010. He was immediately taken to the NICU where they put him on a breathing machine and did several other necessary things to give him the best chance at life. His birthday was the only day that we would hear his soft sweet little cry. Gavin lived for a total of 11 days. He went through more in those 11 days than I have ever been through in 30 years. He was very sick and on almost every type of machine possible. He had several health issues while he was here with us. The doctors and nurses who cared for him were amazing. He was in the same hospital where I worked and that was a huge blessing. The doctors sent out several tests, did lots of xrays, and had several different specialists come by to see him as we still didn't have an answer to what diagnosis Gavin had and whether or not it was "compatible with life". After 11 days of fighting with all he had Gavin grew tired and his little body was losing the fight. My husband and I decided that we didn't want our sweet baby to suffer any longer. We knew that our Gavin had fought for his life since the day he was born and that his little body had grown tired. Letting our baby go was the hardest decision that we had ever had to make in life and one that no parent should ever have to make. We held him (for the first and last time) surrounded by our amazing family and friends as we removed the support and allowed our baby to peacefully go to Heaven while being surrounded with love. Gavin's life has a huge impact on my life. I never realized how much I could learn from someone who is a little over 2lbs and can't talk to you. Gavin had ways of expressing himself and I believe that he showed me what life and love are really about. The chaplain from the hospital led Gavin's funeral. We wanted someone who knew Gavin to be the person who spoke on behalf of his life. He said something that will always stand out to me when I think about my son's short life. He said that we are all here to serve a purpose and that Gavin was able to fulfill his purpose in 11 short days. I know that even though Gavin is in Heaven now his life is still impacting lives. There were times throughout Gavin's life and my grieving period when I really questioned God. I've learned that life is NOT fair, that we do not always understand why we are dealt the challenges that we are, and that God is big enough to handle our anger. During my grief I read several books and leaned on several Christian songs and verses to help me get through. I've come to realize that God will never give us more than we can handle and that even when life doesn't make sense to us that God is there. I am closer to God than I have ever been in my life and I thank Gavin for that. One of my favorite verses since being pregnant with Gavin is Psalm 139:13-14: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. I know God created Gavin the way he was and that he was fearfully and wonderfully made. We are expecting our second baby, a little girl in May. I know that I will be a better mom to her from the important lessons I learned from Gavin.

Thanks for stopping by,

Melissa

Our New Season

Wow it has been several months since I've lasted posted on our blog and a lot has changed at the Spencer's. We are expecting our second baby. We are having a girl, Ava Grace. She is due May 19th, 2012. Ava is healthy and perfect. We were followed by the perinatologist until March. In March our doctor released us because she had no need to follow us anymore since Ava does not have any problems. That was a very exciting day for us. The only excitement (which by all means is more than enough) that we've had with this pregnancy is that I am on bed rest. I was about 31.5 weeks and went in for a routing doctor's appointment. I had been having some pelvic "aching" (pressure) for a few weeks so my doctor wanted to check me to be sure that everything was okay. I was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced. She then placed a monitor on to look for contractions and noted some uterine irritability. So I was placed on bed rest and medication to keep Ava content in the womb for as long as possible. I will be on both the bed rest and medication until I am 36.5 weeks and then we will stop both. The doctor doesn't think that it will take long once I'm off the medication for Ava to make her appearance. I turned 35 weeks today. We are thankful for everyday that our sweet girl gets in the womb. Daddy has been busy taking care of me while also working, going to school, and preparing the house for Ava. He finished Ava's room this week and it looks amazing. It turned out better than I ever imagined. He is such a great man. I am so blessed to have him as my husband and Ava is so blessed to have him for a daddy. By the way he is already crazy about her. He has big plans for him and his little girl. I know she will be a daddy's girl and I'm okay with that. I think every girl should be a daddy's girl. I hope you are all doing well. I am going to do my best to post more frequently. Have a good night.

Melissa